My Top Three Fears
Hey Novas!
Before I get to my top three fears, let me give you a bit more information about me.
So I know I usually post advice or cool posts about other emerging writers out there, but today I wanted to do something a bit more personal. Recently, I’ve been wondering about my future in that not-so-dramatic-but-seriously-what’s-next kind of way. Quick background:
I recently graduated from Washington University in St. Louis with my Masters of Fine Arts in Writing. It was a two year program and I learned so much about myself as a writer and a person. It was the first time I had my own apartment and was able to fill my refrigerator with the groceries I wanted. I also had an extra room that I turned into a personal gym. When it got too cold for me, I turned the thermostat up as high as I wanted because it was my place.
Now, five months after moving out of my apartment in St. Louis, I have been couch surfing across the nation until a great opportunity arrives. I had a plan but it fell through in the worse kind of way: a prior success made me ineligible for the new opportunity. Housing gone and income gone. However, it’s been great going to other cities, big and small, and seeing how my friends have been living. What has made all of this uncertainty easier to swallow is having a support system of people who really just want to be in your company and help you transition from one life to the next.
As I apply for jobs, I find myself feeling big apprehensions about things that had not crossed my mind before my plans fell through. Here are the Top Three Fears that I keep running back to:
1. Fear of never finding a place to call home.
I have been having difficulties finding a spot that brings me comfort. I want to live in a diverse city with plenty to do but that is not overwhelming. I like peace with options. I also like to be around open-minded people (racism, sexism, homophobia, ageism, etc are intolerable to be around). No city is perfect, but so far no city has offered me that space where I can say with ease “Hey, two out of three ain’t bad.” It feels like now I just want to have a home base that is close to an airport so I can just stay on the road. But is that any way to live?
2. Fear of crowded and busy spaces.
I’ve always had this fear tucked away but the older I get the more intense it gets. Everything from sirens, to horns, to trains stuffed with people bring me to a point of anxiety that I simply cannot handle. Inviting me to a club or party are two of the worse places to which anyone could possibly invite me. I love my privacy and peace of mind. I also love having an exit strategy whenever something gets to be too overwhelming. If I have that then I feel a little better about things.
3. Fear of having a job I hate.
What I love to do is write. Writing, frequently, does not pay. So this means I have to find other means of income. But what if the job I find pays well but leaves me no time to do what I love? I left business school for that reason: I cannot simply make money and assume I will have time to spend it if only I suffer through a career path that makes me miserable. But when bills need to get paid, decision making has to happen and happiness usually takes a backseat to our immediate needs.
How I plan on conquering my fears.
Today, I am deciding to allow myself these limitations without allowing those limitations to become an anchor for me. I can control fear number one by becoming more flexible with living arrangements and really taking a risk by going with what matters to me the most, which is feeling safe somewhere while also living in a space my friends and family can also feel safe when they visit.
Fear number two is one that I have to be honest with other people about. If I cannot handle it, I have to say “No, that social setting is not for me.” Putting myself in more public situations could help, too, but a little bit at a time. It is one of those fears that I cannot control like I can with number one and even number three.
And speaking of fear number three, I think flexibility is the keyword here as well, but I also have to make sure that I don’t let any job stop me from doing what I love. I have to be alright with walking away from what hinders me from reaching my goals, even if that puts me in a place of uncertainty. If I plan and cooperate with that plan I should be able to conquer anything. But, what advice is right for me?
Resources
“4 Mental Tricks to Conquering Fear” at INC. Deals specifically with how to fight fear in making business decisions by choosing wisdom and courage over apprehension.
“The Science of Conquering Your Fears” at Huffington Post
Re: looking for the right job, here are some business lessons learned from a hot dog joint.
~Phillip
Glappitnova unites influencers and talent from different industries through storytelling, performances, classes, and events for one crazy 8 day experience in Chicago.The opinions expressed here by Glappitnova.com contributors are their own, not those of Glappitnova.com.
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