Picking the Right Mentor
Picking the right mentor can be a difficult task.
You don’t want to offend certain people that have worked with you on their own by not asking them to be your mentor or even considering them to be one; however, you also don’t want to create a situation where you feel forced to consider someone as a mentor just to find out there is an incompatibility that will make you butt heads more than you work together.
What should you look for in a mentor?
It depends on your needs. You have to make sure the person with whom you might work has the scholarship, dedication, experience, and connections within your field that prove they have excelled in ways that can benefit you. They have to have a strong knowledge base that they can share with you and the ability to speak to you in a way that will not turn you away. This last part is important: the level of respect has to be mutual and the moment your mentor wants to pull rank is the very moment you should feel suspicious of their intentions. It is true that this person will more than likely have many more years of experience and living than you, but they have to understand when to let you make your own mistakes and be your own person. In the end, becoming a tyrant over you will not teach you a thing except how to feel resentment towards the very person who is supposed to help you.
A mentor is supposed to help you find out who you are and how to become better at being that person.
They might assist you with setting and completing goals, learning new skills, or just helping you through life by sharing how they dealt with similar challenges you are facing. A good mentor also connects you with other people in the field whom they trust will also have your best interest in mind. A mentor is a powerful asset and teacher. They show you how to become a mentor to others.
One of my mentors is 75 years old. When we talk on the phone he makes sure that there is no “I am better than you” vibe. Honestly, I was shocked when I called him Mr.______ and he strongly stated that I call him by his first name. I also learned that he respected me for my own set of knowledge when he asked me to look over certain things for him that, if they were done incorrectly or not on time, would have damaged his reputation. Trust and being treated as an equal: that is how we became friends. Not all mentors need to become you friend, though. It is just helpful to have a connection with someone that bonds with you via trust, honesty, and fun.
Something else that has helped me is paying attention to how your possible mentor treats other people and the regard with which other people hold your possible mentor. Do people generally like her? Do people have mostly encouraging things to say to you when you bring him up? Does he have a habit of ruining relationships with other people or a certain type of person? Does she treat people as though they all owe her something? Pay attention to signs that they may not be the right person to mentor you by how they treat other people because more than likely they will treat you the same way down the road. Also, pay attention to early signs of mentorship failure. If they gossip about their colleagues to you, come off as overly controlling or aggressive, seem insecure about their own career path, or just come off as mysterious in a creepy way, consider those as signs that it won’t work out (unless you get into those kinds of things). Also, I think it is important to know that an incompatible mentor does not mean that person is a bad person. It is what it is: an incompatibility.
Last but not least, understand that you are the one who picks your mentors; they do not pick you.
The choice is yours and when you ask they might say no, but the control is still yours. If someone wants to be your mentor, do not shy away from making them work for it, meaning they have to prove that they have what it takes to bring you to the next level in your life and/or career. And when you find a good one you must do everything you can to satisfy your end of the arrangement. Showing up chronically late for appointments, never taking advice, being cruel to your mentor, and just overall laziness will certainly turn a good mentor away. You must take seriously the engagement and build the relationship on your end as well. Do not become the tyrannical person with whom you would never work.
I hope these few thoughts help! I’ve been thinking about this for a while now as I have had both great and awful mentors and it has saved me time and energy to know the difference.
Resources:
How To Start a Mentorship Relationship – Forbes
7 Mentors of Great Historical Figures
Mentor for young entrepreneurs – As entrepreneurs, tips can help get you on your way, Kayvon Olomi shared some tips all entrepreneur should know based on his journey.
~Phillip
Glappitnova unites influencers and talent from different industries through storytelling, performances, classes, and events for one crazy 8 day experience in Chicago.The opinions expressed here by Glappitnova.com contributors are their own, not those of Glappitnova.com.
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